When I was four-years-old, my mom took me to my first movie. I still remember the excitement of having the huge screen in front of me, sitting next to my mom, older sister and brother, with my popcorn and soda. I waited with anticipation for the movie to start, and before I knew it Dolly Parton was up there, larger than life in The Best Little Whore House In Texas. Ok, so it was a questionable choice of movie for a toddler. By today’s standards, she probably would have been all over social media with hashtags like #LittlestShameHouse or something ridiculous. Luckily in 1982 there was no social media, and there were also fewer movie choices of which to take your kids. But if I’m completely honest, I have no recollection of being affected by the sex scenes in that movie. I don’t know if my mom covered my eyes or took me to the bathroom at those parts. I do, however, have a deep, emotional memory of how much I loved watching the dancing, and hearing Dolly sing “I ...
Ok, so it was a questionable choice of movie for a toddler. By today’s standards, she probably would have been all over social media with hashtags like #LittlestShameHouse or something ridiculous. Luckily in 1982 there was no social media, and there were also fewer movie choices of which to take your kids. But if I’m completely honest, I have no recollection of being affected by the sex scenes in that movie. I don’t know if my mom covered my eyes or took me to the bathroom at those parts. I do, however, have a deep, emotional memory of how much I loved watching the dancing, and hearing Dolly sing “I Will Always Love You.” That experience remains one of my favorites and I will always have a place in my heart for that movie like no other.
I won’t pretend that was a one-time liberal movie or TV choice allowed by my mother. There were very few rules about what my siblings and I could watch. My childhood was filled with my cousins and I watching Flashdance repeatedly. I don’t think I even really understood what Jennifer Beals' job was, I just knew I desperately wanted an off-the-shoulder sweatshirt. My love of movies and the feelings I felt for the actors and actresses has never left me. Also, I think I should note that I never went out and joined a brothel, and to this day I have a total appreciation that, point blank, stripping is hard work and people do it because it pays damn well. Overall, I feel good about the way I turned out, and I love my mom for not overly sheltering me and for trusting that, with her help and openness, I could handle some more mature scenarios.
Fast forward 30 years and it’s my turn to decide what is and is not appropriate for my kids to watch, listen to, and play. How do I balance this new world of easy access to media saturated with sex, drugs, and violence with my own beliefs that, like my mom, I want my kids to be able to partake in the magic and wonders of amazing storylines and entertainment. I want them to delve into plots that are dense enough in controversy that they spark a dozen deep questions to which, with my assistance, they are able to explore the answers.
My 11-year-old daughter has a fascination and obsession with books, movies, and TV shows. I am somewhat blessed, however, that she is very aware and confident of the person she wants to be. Basically, the decision for me to allow her to have a very loose range of what to watch was sort of easy, and we have had some amazing bonding days binge-watching movies with our favorite actors like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Melissa McCarthy. She can even speak to adults about topics such as Maggie Smith’s versatile acting style, and knows the importance Meryl Streep has had on women’s place in the film industry. She is, in some ways, a pop culture savant. I am both insanely impressed and somewhat concerned about this. There is little place in society to become a success due to one’s extensive knowledge of the most profound coming of age movies of the 1990’s, or the top ten best sitcoms of all time. There are also plenty of times I have to cut her off from watching four consecutive hours of a show and force her to do something more “productive.”
In a nutshell, I’m still figuring it all out. I have to preface every sleepover my kids have with their friends with “remember, not all kids are allowed to watch Pitch Perfect or Billy Madison, and I don’t need to get a phone call from a mom tomorrow.” There are plenty of times when I’ll start watching a movie with my kids and realize I’ve forgotten several scenes that are in it and have to turn it off because it is too inappropriate even by my standards. But by staying true to my desire for my kids to experience the magic of real comedy, drama, and classics that I once was trusted to regardless of some curse words and make out scenes (they cover their eyes anyway), some very positive things have occurred. My nine-year-old son has a genuine understanding of why (in my opinion) the use of guns in some war movies are ok and even necessary, while guns in violent games like Call Of Duty are absolutely unnecessary. He also understands that when Green Day, his favorite band, curses, it’s because they are passionate about a political message; a message we have spoken about numerous times and he understands well.
I believe the benefits of allowing these elements in their lives far outweighs the negatives. I never choose to let them watch a movie based solely on its rating, but rather on content. Some PG-13 movies have messages I don’t want shared, and some R-rated movies have a crucial lesson that completely overshadows one or two questionable scenes. Watching certain films and shows and listening to some ”explicit” albums has undoubtedly helped instill a deep-rooted sense of acceptance and admiration for people of all different races, sexual orientations, and religions. To me, this is invaluable.
For now, I’m going to keep trusting my kids to experience these same situations until for some reason they seem negatively affected by it. I’m also going to constantly talk to them about what they are seeing and hearing, and use it as an opportunity to open a dialogue that we may not otherwise have. I’m hopeful that one day they will appreciate the fact that I gave them the opportunity to experience amazing cinema and it helped to shape them into individuals who base his or her decisions on what feels right, and not solely by what they’ve seen on a TV screen.
Who knows, maybe my daughter will wind up in the film or TV industry and become a famous screenwriter like she dreams of doing. Regardless, I think being exposed to so many different genres and medium have helped put her and my boys on the path to become socially aware, perceptive, and accepting human beings. For now, that’s definitely enough for me to think that maybe, this decision, for my family, is the right one.
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